Once Upon A Time

Once Upon a Time
there was a girl very much in love with a man,
but she was very afraid to tell this man,
and still very afraid of what she was,
capable of doing and capable of being,
So she tried to hide from this man,
and she left this man for a month,
For some odd reason this girl couldn't understand,
the man was still waiting for her,
to swoop her off her feet and take her away,
and make her's his forever and ever.

The girl couldn't believe this fairytale,
So she hid away again,
not realizing that the man she loved,
more than anything she was crushing,
more and more with each passing day,
Finally the man asked the girl a question,
not even she could answer,
"Why don't you ever talk.."
The silent girl thought for awhile and,
couldn't even come up with an answer,
she just smiled and looked down,
The man very hurt,
by always getting the same reaction,
left for awhile to calm down,
so that he would not regret something,
that would end up for the worse.

As the man left,
the girl sat there,
and as tears,
streamed down her cheeks,
she herself wondered,
"Why don't I ever talk.."
She realized that through all she had been,
her heart was not as strong,
as it once used to be,
The girl once remembered a man,
who she had had not as strong,
feelings for as the one she was with,
but the feelings were that,
of the same origin,
"I loved that man not as much as,
the one I'm with now.."
But she remembered that,
a long time ago,
that same girl had left that other man,
a very long time ago,
that she had been scared,
of such feelings,
and was young,
and wouldn't think it would last.

After those days,
she promised herself she would,
never run from those feelings again,
and she cried bitter tears,
as she realized her promise,
was being broken right now,
"I'm not gonna give up,
I'm not gonna run from him,
I did it once,
I'll never do it again,
I love him more than anything,
and that's the way it will stay,
no more hiding or running,
or being afraid of these feelings,
it's time to embrace,
these feelings that make me so real.
I love this man more than anything,
and I will never let him go."

So the girl ran to the man,
and she told him she was sorry,
she cried tears,
and hoped that,
he would accept her apology,
and not throw her away...

Got my Game, Hector, and visiting!

OMG!
Totally got Left 4 Dead! I'm thinking next pay cheque I'm going to buy it straight out since I'm going to be saving for some of this pay cheque and if I can get @ least HALF of the amount I need that will work very well! <3 I also have to get Fable I + II, Resident Evil 5 and Devil May Cry 4 of course ;D

My baby wasn't feeling well yesterday so i was trying to cheer him up lots! <3 I can't wait till I get to visit him! I love him so much more than I can possibly explain to him in words! That totally sounds lame xD lolz

I definitely will have to buy the movie Coraline! I got Phantom of the Opera and the Devil Wears Prada! But that still doesn't complete my collection of movies that I need!

I bought Hector a present while I was away he has already seen it xD he thinks it's awesome! Which I'm very glad for he was pretty mad @ the price though! xD

But he shouldn't be upset I once bought a plushie worth double what his is worth xD lolz I still have it Ooohhh Sesshomaru <3 xD But I"m hoping to visit my bf this year sometime!

Hopefully in Summer but I dunno if that will exactly work >_< I could try going after summer a little bit and everything like in Sept but I might have to apply for classes *tear* so we will have to see <3

SLEEPOVER! OMG!

So today if you haven't already guessed it from the title I have a sleepover! I'm so excited I have been for a long time been needing some short of small small SMALL vacation to get away from my family, work, stress, and drama. And I finally got the chance now!

I am extremely happy to be getting away but I Know that I will miss Hector dearly T_T. If I can I'm going to see if my friend has long distance @ his house. If not then I'm gonna be like Well Bleh! xP Lolz

I'm so excited I wrote like this huge long list of ALL the things I'm going to bring xD and I'm not gonna lie but it seems like I'm gonna end up taking the whole freakin house @ this rate xD lolz Now I'm contemplating what I should eat for lunch!
xD Who knows what I will stuff in my mouth all I know is it will be good 8D

Lately things have been rough! I've been thinking about buying a PS3 so that I can get Resident Evil 5 and Devil May Cry 4.
Since I own Resident Evil 4 it's all good for my Wii xD and I own all of the Devil May Cry 1-3 I got this box set and it was like $30 so I pretty much paid $10 for each game and they were brand new xD lolz

A lot of people I have told have been really pissed @ me. But like I told them I can't help it that I'm major good @ finding deals ;D lolz <3 it's just the way of me <3

But I dunno what else to write besides me and Brad are going shopping and I will probably say what we got when I get to a computer and say what I bought and stuff xD lolz <33333

Busy Busy Busy Working Working Working xP

So anyways just putting in another word. Things have been busy people say they're worrying about me because tomorrow I get off work @ 7am and then at 1 I have to be @ my other job to work oO and I'm not off then till 4 and I have to get enough sleep so that I can work my Sat night shift so that I can work my Sunday night shift as well.

Then I have a sleepover Mon-Wed and another sleepover Thurs-Fri so let's hope I live long enough to see those xP

I can't wait for my days off but they always seem to go by so fast I don't really get to ENJOY them T_T it really sucks sometimes but I'm sure in time I will get used to working and everything. Let's just hope my other job doesn't call me lots since this job wants to train me lots and everything xD lolz.

Usually I only get enough time in the day to sleep eat get more sleep eat more sleep and then talk to Hector some be up for a bit then go to work xP Hopefully soon in about a month I will be done nights so it will be all good.

I got my car plated so hopefully soon i can go for my license so that I can be epic win and drive me and my friend's places instead of getting my mom to drive with me (I only have my learners license) in my car to work take herself home and pick me up @ 7!

Soon very soon everything will be on the right track and I will be able to sit back and enjoy the ride

Sometimes shit sucks. I see a bunch of people who are uber pretty and everything. Got everything they want in life and got it all planned out. And I look at myself. People say I'm pretty but you know I seem to not have a talent at all that anyone seems to care about. My drawing looks nub. I say I'm a gamer girl and people laugh at me. And that's all I really got going for me.

I'm thinking about taking up sewing, scrapbooking, and drawing more often. To see if I can find a hidden talent in there somewhere. I'm hoping something happens in there. The only thing that I have ever been good at besides Video Games is school but I'm done with that now.

Maybe here soon i will buy a Tablet a cheap one and start drawing online and see how that goes for me. It would be easier because I don't have a scanner and they cost lots of money and I wanted to open a shop on Gaia. But I really doubt anyone will really buy because my art isn't THAT good. But one day I hope to be a good artist <3 One day *sigh*

People think my life is great and everything when in reality I had dreams and am probably never going to get them either. Like being a model for anything in general like someone who makes their own clothes and wants someone to show them off and everything. Because the world doesn't have enough room for a big person like me

Been so busy lately. Work keeps me really damn busy. Tomorrow I will have been working a whole week straight. It sucks ass. But I can't wait for my paycheck! 8D I have some things I want to get like my license and plates for my car and a few games and maybe some clothes and then save the rest of the money! 8D <3

I'm going for a mini vacation sleepover out of town soon so I can get some relieve from the stress that has been piling up. Stress from like work, drama, and my ex bf who now texts me a bunch and is pissing off my baby. To further relieve stress I am going to start sewing and scrapbooking soon 8D I can't wait. I plan on sewing some dresses so that when I go visit my bf I have some nice dresses to wear instead of my normal boy hoodies or my low cut shirts all the time. xD lolz

After that mini vacation I have another sleepover to go to. I hope that person doesn't sleep on my arm again like last time and make it go numb oO you wouldn't believe how much that actually hurts when your arm is numb and tingles when someone is sleeping on it D:

Me and my mom are going to Scrapbooking class together in October it's a huge sleepover thing I can't wait! 8D It will be fun then me and mom will get to spend some time and it's something to look forward to in the future.

Soon here I have to get everything for school lined up so that I know when I can go to school. Since I planned to take a year off so that I could get some money saved up and I wanted to visit my baby before I started going to school!

I also get to plate my car tomorrow! I am so excited I just can't wait! 8D I hope it still starts and works good and everything since it has been sitting all winter and I forgot to start it a lot over winter D:

Me and Chelsi are going dress shopping Tues or Wed it should be super awesome fun! I can't wait I need to get a dress so that I don't look like complete shit and have 1 dress that I @ least didn't sew xP. I'm hoping to get a blue or a purple xD 8D <3>> *feels weird* xD

I have a bunch of signs and art I promised people on Gaia >_< So I should probably get that all done when I get the time D: I will do that on my mini vacation since I will have loads of time then x3

I should get to bed though xD I have work tomorrow from 1pm-4pm then to plate my car and babysit! xD

Very Random poem xD lolz

Once upon a time,
there was a girl who always cried,
and she wished people wouldn't lie
and that some people would die.

She wish her knight,
hadn't turned into a dick,
and wished somehow,
she could put him on a stick.

but shit happens man,
and that's the jist of it,
they come in like a lamb,
and go out with their shit.

Life is shit,
and people are dicks,
now come on man,
let's all get pissed.

Nightly Thoughts

I'm sitting here it's 12:55 and I'm very deep into thought. As I sit here and draw and type on my blog I wonder what the world has in store for me. Who my true friends are and who are not. Who will always be with me like they promised and those who will break that promise and leave me all alone. Who will stand up for me when someone attacks me.

Life sure isn't easy but it's not as complicated as some people make it seem. I have a job I love to death. I am going in the field of Healthcare and I'm loving the thought of it. Some people say that they can't even imagine doing my job. That the thought of bathing an elderly person makes them gag. Well think about it. Someone's gotta do it. And you know one day someone is going to have to do it for you when your old and crippled and fragile. So it doesn't really bother me as much as some people.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about mine and Hector's future together. I've never told him but I want him to pursue his career and get a good education. He's really smart and I do want him to become a computer technician / programmer. I think that he will be truly happy doing it like I am with my current job. It's obvious that he enjoys working with computers and that he has an advantage over most people when it comes to technology. I want him to succeed in his dream and know that I will be there every step of the way.

Sometimes when I see little children playing and laughing I smile. Wondering how my children are going to be. Who's facial features they will have more of (mine or Hector's). What their personality will be like. What dreams and goals they will have. What type of life and career they will lead. What clothes they will wear. Who their friends will be. How many times their hearts will be broken. Who they will spend their life with. How my grandchildren will be.

The thing that i know so far is that. Hector is that someone I want to spend my life with. The career I am seeking is one I definitely will be happy doing maybe not all my life but for the time being. That my dreams will come true and that somehow in some way things may be tough but in the end it will all work out <3

First Blog! March 08/ 09

Hello welcome one and all!
I'm Jenessa aka Nessa. I have wanted to make a blog so randoms can read about my lame life xD haha I'm a hardcore Gamer Girl. I'm 5'8 and 1/4th and I'm taking by an amazing man named Hector the love of my life. I hope one day that we can live together and start a family.

I enjoy reading, writing, drawing, playing video / computer games, talking on the phone, chatting it up on msn, going to the mall, taking pictures, scrapbooking, and sewing.

My dreams are to be a model (Pretty unlikely since I'm a bigger girl than the anorexics xP) and to follow my dream to also be a Special Care Aide. A Special Care Aide is a person who takes care of the elderly. ^^ I've had this dream since I spent a summer with my Great Grandma who is 95 years old. She inspired me to go into this career and it's a job that I am loving to do right now.

I have yet to go back to school to start the Special Care Aide course but I do work at 2 elderly homes. One is really big and public. One is very private. Other than that there is not a lot about me.