Sometimes I wonder if people are out to ruin your life just to make them feel about there life... Our house is crammed enough and all my mom ever does is yell @ me.... right now I honestly just want to run away because I'm tired of all the bs... all the people that yell @ me when shit happens... how people try and blame me and say I was going to go with them somewhere when I told them first off that I couldn't and that I already had plans and they knew that.... I'm starting to lose my faith in everything..... except a few good people... and Hector.....

Maybe Hector is right.... maybe I'm way to attached to him when I shouldn't be.... but he has to realize that he's the only thing that has made me happy and I don't want to lose that... I've lost enough... and been hurt enough... and been stepped on and destroyed that now I think it's time I deserve a small shred of happiness... and my happiness is with him... and somehow I am going to get him to Canada.... We will be together no matter what it takes... Because Hector is the only one I want the only one I want forever... Fuck everyone else if they can't treat me right anymore then there gone.

I'll be just fine.. pretending I'm not... I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've Goottt..... yea it's all that I've got.... it's all that I've got...........

Doctor?

People have been worried about me a lot lately. I have been having problems breathing sometimes when it comes to night. I think it might be because I need an extra pillow to elevate my head or maybe I have to many pillows and it's blocking my wind pipe.

I'm gonna try both and see what one it might be but I guess I should go to the doctor. It's been really freaking out Hector since he usually hears it when we're on the phone.
It happens more when I'm laying down than anything. And I used to have little spasms like this they wouldn't last that long but I'm getting them more often and more frequent. And it's really started to scare me and everyone who hears it and is around when it happens. I'm hoping it's not something like Asthma or Second Hand Smoking. I hope it's just something that can be fixed with something simple and not possibly happen again. But I do hope it's something treatable and not a pain in the ass. >_<

I'm really glad for my one friend. Well actually 2 of them. They're really good people. There names are Danny and Sam.

Whenever I'm having a bad time they always let me call them or call me and talk to me about it and calm me down and make me feel better. They usually do this when Hector isn't there and I need someone to really talk to and I'm usually crying.

Danny is known as my creeper but well he's stopped being as creepy as he used to be. And he's just a regular guy. You can't find any better guys than this I'm sure of it. They're always there, understanding, kind. They are really great friends

and I know that they will find the person they love and will spend there life with them <3 And I'm pretty sure that we will still be friends then xD

Sam and Danny were there through the Blair and Arley incidents. Sam has been here a little longer but that's alright shit happens sometimes. I'm sure they would have loved to know me before they did but you know shit happens a lot of the time xD

Stressed

I'm pretty stressed out I woke up having my stupid time of the month. It's hard for me to walk @ all when that's happening either because of the extreme amount of pain I experience while it's happening.
It usually disappears after the 3rd day Well it's the 2nd day. And I can barely walk and nothing is working I will have to go on birth control so that it will be controlled.

My mom was trying to force me to go into work today and I just can't because my emotions are shot and if one person says something mean to me or anything or if I take it the wrong way I burst into tears. And i'm working with the 2 biggest bitches today so I decided that I should go tomorrow when my emotions will be better. Well mom doesn't understand that.. and yea she's gonna flip on me when she gets home I know it. But I'm going to go make Meat Lasagna for the family and play RE5 while I wait for it to cook *sigh*

Yesterday's Incidents.

Yesterday I was really pissed. Every since my brother moved in with my family he has been like I dunno.

My mom says she buys these things for me and then gives them to my brother. And I usually need the Mars bar for energy for work especially the night shift and all that.

Then I was playing my Xbox360 it's hooked to the TV upstairs and everything and I NEVER get to play usually. Well my brother comes upstairs and says that he wants to watch the hockey game. And I'm very pissed off cause there is a fuckin TV with surround sound downstairs and shit. And mom says I should get off and then I do and I'm pissed because I never get to play and there is a TV downstairs and everything.

I was just having an all out shitty day yesterday. I hope soon days get better again.

What's been stressing me

What has been stressing me lately besides work is sometimes how my friends act towards each other. Well for reasons of keeping there names a secret we will call them B and K B is a male and K is a female.

So B lately has been having a hard time in life. He doesn't live with his parents like me and K and he gets mad real fast sometimes cause of all the stress. Well so anyways B came into town since he moved from where me and K live but he's moving back soon. So we went to K's house to hang out. Me and K were talking about Xbox360's cause I was trying to get to learn more info about the online stuff so that I wouldn't be completely stupid when I went to play it. I guess B got mad cause his money is tight because of living out on his own. So he got mad @ me and attacked me when me and K were alone. And I dunno I felt attacked because he didn't get mad and tell us both he just flipped out on me. It's not what I was intending to do I just needed to learn info about this online thing cause my friend wanted me to get it and I wanted to know more about it and K work's in the electronics section of Superstore so I thought she would know a bit more on it and she's owned her 360 for a month now. So I dunno that happened.

Today K was mad because she wanted her book back I guess because her dad had been nagging her about it. Well B had borrowed it and told her when we were visiting that he would get it to her asap but he had lots of stuff to do tomorrow. Well around 9ish me and B were hanging out we were playing Resident Evil 5 and getting pretty far on the mercenaries we were really excited. Then I guess K kept on texting B and nagging him out and trying to pick a fight. Well then B got pissed and told me that K wouldn't stop nagging at him for the movie so he was going to give it to her because she obviously didn't think anyone else had a life and stuff except her. So B stormed to get the book then he called me and told me that he was going to give it to me and that I could drop it off when I got the chance cause he couldn't go near her right now cause he would rip a strip off her. Understandable so I told B if he drove me over there I would give the book to K and he wouldn't have to talk to her and then she couldn't nag him anymore. He drove me over there and K's Dad answered the door and explained that K was getting the book because her dad wanted to read it and nagged at her about it and stuff. K's dad told me to thank B and I told him I would tell him what happened. So I went back to the car and B said he didn't care because she attacked him and was all saying I'm not trying to pick a fight and B felt like she was doing that like she always does to make him look like the bad guy.

What upset me the most was that B had yelled @ me over the 360 thing when he knew I didn't mean it like that. And I hadn't been having a few good days because lately I've been thinking about my dead friend and my 2 dead relatives that past away last year. Me and my bf have been really stressed and getting into fights which well can't really be helped when 2 stressed people get together it is never good usually and I'm on top of that working A LOT and figuring out these laws so that my bf can move to Canada. And I have a lot of people who yell @ me and take it out on me and who don't really seem to give a shit. I wish some people would try and talk calmly before they freaked out on the other people.....

Been Forever

Been forever since I wrote a frickin blog. Just been so busy with work and sleeping and just finished hanging out with friends which I haven't done in forever now. Some people all saying that their my friends and me questioning how loyal they are and everything.

Rejected work tonight was hanging out with a friend who came out of town and didn't want to ditch him or blow him off or anything (no not blowing off in that way he's gay and family xP)

Got an Xbox360 recently was really excited it's red and I got Resident Evil 5 xD And I have Left 4 Dead! I'm trying to find new games that are suppose to be fun to get <3333 I've heard good things about Assassin's Creed so I'm thinking about getting that one! <3 And I have to get the online play thing and shit so that I can play with my friends online xD Well I have a few that want me too xD

I dunno lately I have been feeling really shitty. A lot of stuff going through my mind. Some stress that I have to deal with. I miss Hannah a lot. It's been getting to the point where it's starting to effect me physically again as in getting sick and crying a bit more than I usually do. I usually never cry anymore. I dunno maybe it's cause I don't feel much anymore because I don't usually give a shit about people that don't matter

I'm hoping things go well and well not according to plan but @ least turn out ok in the end! It would be nice to have good stuff happen instead of all this negative shit. I just hope... in the end sometime soon... I will start getting my big breaks for being a good person and everything.... Lack of sleep and stress have been making me not myself lately and some people are even starting to worry i might get sick or something and possibly end up in the hospital but I think they're just being buttheads. And then there are the people who say they care but probably wouldn't if that ever did happen and try to get ahold of me and shit like that. Luckily I know who those people are and soon here I am going to get rid of them one by one.

I've also been stressed because people have been putting their drama on me lately. Drama that could easily be fixed but they don't and continue to cause it. I mean I can handle helping people with their problems and counselling but I don't need un-needed drama all the time in my life for fuck sakes. I dunno some people just need to grow up. That's just how I feel about it for the most part. Guess I should sleep since I haven't been sleeping well cause of work and stress. I work a whole week and I already know that's going to be hell as it is. UGH!

ONE DAY I hope to make a site somewhere to make a walkthrough for games! Or @ least a few! It's always been a goal/dream of mine for some reason I know it's lame but I'm over it xD